Cupidity - chapter sixteen

[emungere.livejournal.com]

Previous chapters here.


Angel woke with a start and a cow licking his head. It mooed crossly at him, and he spent the next few seconds wiping cow spit off his face and hair with a handful of grass. His brain was on strike, refusing even to try to process what had just happened. Or hadn't happened.

He looked around for Robin and saw him lying a few feet away. He crawled over and shook him.

"Fuck. Come on, you jerk. You are so not allowed to be dead."

Robin made a small sound of protest and rolled over onto his side. Angel let out a breath. Not dead. He thumped Robin's shoulder. "Wake up!"

Robin squinted at him and rubbed a hand through his hair, making it stick up like hedgehog spikes. "M'awake."

"Well. Good." He looked around. Field in Spain, check. Car, check. He could just see his bag lying by the edge of the road. "Do you want something to eat?"

Robin stared at him. "What?"

"Food. You put it in your mouth and eat it. Or do you guys not actually need that kind of thing?" He remembered Rose saying that Eos didn't eat her young men. Often.

"I do," Robin said. "Yes. Please."

Angel got his bag, and they ate in silence. Robin seemed almost too exhausted to speak, and Angel didn't want to ask any questions. He was pretty sure Robin would give him answers, and he felt those answers like thunder clouds hanging over his head. There was a whole bunch of stuff he'd have to know, and soon. Right now, ignorance really was bliss, or at least it wasn't mind-numbing terror, and that was good enough for him.

He packed Robin in to the car and drove until they reached a town with an inn, long after dark. Robin was still silent as Angel got them a room with some of his cash and a few words of broken Spanish. The woman who ran the place sent dinner up without being asked, and they ate again, both of them sitting crossed-legged on the bed.

Angel looked up from his stew. Robin was watching him. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Robin said.

"Really?"

"No. But I'm aware that I should be."

"Aware you should be sorry for nearly getting me eaten? Or for not telling me all this shit before? Or what? There's a lot of fucking stuff you could be sorry for."

Angel put his stew down and took a few deep breaths. Robin nodded.

"You're right, of course. All of those things, and more."

"Like for all those guys you fed to Eos?"

"She doesn't eat them."

"Often."

"Rose wanted to frighten you."

"Yeah? It worked."

Robin took their half-empty bowls and put them on the small dresser, then came back to sit next to him.

"Who the fuck are you, really?" Angel said.

Robin looked down at his hands. "An impossibility." The backs of his hands were marked with red welts, like burns. "Humans have called us many things. Sprites, goblins, nymphs. Fairies."

"I thought fairies were supposed to be all cute, with wings?"

Robin shot him a look. "Yes? Well, now you're better educated."

"And Eos is your mom?"

"Yes."

"Wow. That's rough."

"Rough? Yes, I suppose it is. My father was human, someone foolish and clever enough to find a way into her woods. So I inherited two traits from him, at least." His tone stung, it was so bitter.

"So you're like some weird-ass halfbreed fairy guy?"

Robin still looked kind of grey around the edges. "Yes, exactly."

"And Rose?"

Robin twisted his mouth into a smile. "She really is my guardian. Or possibly my keeper. They find it useful to have someone who can live in both worlds. My mother can't leave, you see. Or perhaps she just doesn't want to. It's difficult to tell."

"And Rose makes you get these guys for Eos?"

He didn't know what he wanted the answer to be. Yes, she makes me do it on pain of being eaten. No, Rose lied. No. this is all just one big Doritos-fuelled nightmare.

"I get paid," Robin said. "She gives me gold."

"For their lives? Jesus fucking Christ, man!"

"I told you she doesn't kill them. They get gold too, as much as they want, for ever," Robin said. "It's fair. It's the bargain they make."

"Body and soul in exchange, yeah?"

"That's right," Robin said, softly, watching him.

"Fuck. Fuck."

He couldn't look at Robin.

The bathroom was tiny and painted bright yellow, set off by green patterned linoleum that seemed to make Angel's head throb, but at least it had a shower and he could lock the door and be alone. His hair still smelled of woodsmoke, and his skin was sticky and dusty. There was a bar of dull green soap that smelled of lavender, but it got him clean. He stood under the water for a long time, watching it spiral away under his feet. He could've died today. It didn't seem real.

When he stepped out he felt clean to the point of being slightly squeaky, but his head didn't feel any clearer.

The first thing he saw was Rose, leaning against the door to the room. He flattened himself back against the wall on instinct, but she didn't even look his way. She was staring at Robin, and he was staring straight back.

"Angel, stay where you are," Robin said, softly.

She had blood stains on the cuff of her shirt. Her dark hair was rough and hung over her eyes. There was something badly wrong with her. Angel could almost taste it in the air. Her brow was furrowed with dark lines. When she spoke her breath smelled of dead leaves and wet grass.

"You did this," she growled.

"You took that curse on yourself, Rose. I didn't force you."

She grinned, as feral as a wolf, but her eyes were cold and flat. "Is that what you tell your young men?" She nodded at Angel. "You told him that too, didn't you?" Angel flinched, even from her look. "Are you going to give him to her? She'll forgive you."

"I don't need to be forgiven." He glanced at Angel. "Not by her."

Rose's head drooped forward for a long moment, and she panted, breath curling out like steam. Dead leaves fell from her hair. Dank water was leaking from her shoes, spreading in a gleaming dark puddle on the floor. She shook.

"Little bird, what did you do to me?" she moaned.

Robin stood, and for the first time he looked uncertain.

"Alberich might help you," he said. He stepped nearer. "I don't know how. Rose."

Rose pushed herself away from the wall and caught his wrist. Her nails pricked his skin, deep and sharp so that blood welled like a row of glossy red berries.

"What makes you think I want help, little brother?"

"What else is there for you?" said Robin. He didn't even seem to notice the claws in his arm. He was smiling now.

"Nothingness," Rose said. "For us all." She let go and stepped back and disappeared.

Robin closed his eyes. The smile vanished, which Angel silently gave thanks for.

The windows were open. The warm night drifted in along with the soft quiet of the countryside. White stars twinkled diamond bright above them. A moped puttered along somewhere, and from the little bar across the square came the faint noises of old guys drinking beer and enjoying the hell out of it. It was getting late. Somewhere, Eos was waiting for her next meal.

"You did that to her?" Angel asked. He was staring at Robin's wrist. The wounds seemed half-healed already. The blood drops that had seemed like berries had fallen to the floor, where they rolled, fat and shiny and persistently berry-like. "Is she going to die?"

"I don't know," Robin said. He looked down at the berries. "Perhaps. Maybe that's what she wants."

"You can't stop it?"

"No. I found the curse in one of Alberich's books, long ago. I wasn't sure it would work, let alone why or how. If she'll go to him..."

"But she won't, will she?"

"Not to ask for help. If she wants to end it badly enough..." He paused. "I am sorry, Angel. I realize these are not things you ever wanted to think about."

Well, no, but he was thinking about it. He couldn't stop. Rose and Eos and fairies and magic. Crazy.

"What happens if you just stop?" Angel said. "Can't you just stop sending her the men?"

"Eos will die, I expect. Slowly, but she will. And so will the kingdom, unless someone else takes over. It's only as strong as the humans who feed it."

"I thought she didn't eat them. Often."

"It's a land built on hopes and dreams, literally. Stolen ones. She seldom eats their bodies."

Angel looked up at the stars. "She's your mother. Do you, like, love her?" he said.

There wasn't an answer for a long time. Robin's head was bowed. He looked up at Angel, finally. His mouth was pinched and tight and his fingers were lacing together, gnarled and twisting like the trees in the woods. "No," he said. "I don't. I never have."

He was silent for a long time. Angel didn't know what to say.

"You should shower," he said, eventually. "You'll feel better."

Robin nodded like he believed him. Angel undressed and got under the thin sheets. He was drifting by the time Robin came back in the room, only barely aware of movement next to him. The bed dipped and then Robin was lying very close. He didn't touch Angel, though. His skin and hair smelled of lavender.

"You smell like old lady soap," Angel murmured.

"So do you," said Robin.

He woke up hours later, from a dream that slipped away like shadows as soon as he opened his eyes. He turned his head on the pillow. Robin was lying next to him, watching him, his eyes gleaming in the darkness.

"You fucked me," Angel said. His throat felt raw and his mind was still thick with sleep. "That last night at your place. That wasn't a dream."

"Yes," said Robin. "I meant what I said too. It's true. I'm not a good person. I think you should leave. I should never have followed you."

"What?"

"You were offered all the money you wanted. You wanted something else." Robin passed a hand over his own eyes. "That seems fair."

"I thought I wanted it," Angel said. "The money. I mean. Why else would I..." He took Robin's hand on impulse, pulled it away from his face and held onto it. "I'm just stupid. I've always been stupid. Don't know what I want."

"That doesn't make you stupid. I could say it makes you human, but how would I know?"

"Stop that," Angel whispered.

"Does it worry you, to know how close you've been to something like me?"

"No. You're not-- I wish you wouldn't talk about yourself like that."

"It's just the truth." He sounded so bitter it hurt to hear him.

"You don't say it like it's true. You say it like it's the worst thing ever."

"Isn't it?"

"Nah. I can think of lots worse things. You could be your mom. You could be my mom. And she's human. As far as I know."

There was a long pause. Angel listened to them both breathe and to the faint laughter and talk from the square below them.

"You're very kind," Robin said, at last. He sounded so confused. It was almost as bad as the bitterness.

"No, I'm not. You're just not as bad as you think you are."

Robin pulled the covers up to his chin. He wasn't looking at Angel. "I came after you to bring you back. Even though I knew you didn't want...that. Me."

"But you didn't do it."

"Does that matter?"

"You never watched Mr Rogers when you were a kid, huh?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Mad scary wishes don't make things come true," Angel said solemnly. And because he just knew Robin was looking at him like he'd grown another head, "It's not what you think about doing that counts. It's only what you do. Yeah?"

"You really believe that?"

"Sure. It's just common sense."

There was a pause, during which Angel tried not to drift off again. It'd been a long day.

He felt Robin shift again beside him, felt his presence and breath, and then Robin kissed him. It was soft, barely there at all really. His hand brushed over Angel's chest and lower, curving over one thigh. He glanced up at Angel once through his hair and then bent his head again, laying kisses down in a deliberate path across Angel's stomach.

He nuzzled against the hollow of Angel's hip and nosed gently at the waistband of Angel's boxers.

"Do you want to..." Angel started. It seemed like a stupid question, but it was so hard to imagine Robin sucking him. Or doing anything in bed but fucking his mouth or ass.

"Is that all right?"

"Yeah. I mean. Of course."

Robin tugged his boxers down and off and breathed over his cock. "I've never done this before," he said. "Excuse my incompetence."

He licked up the shaft, almost experimentally, and down again, and over Angel's balls, and Angel was already clutching the sheets. The tips of his hair brushed against Angel's skin, making him shiver. Angel reached down and brushed his fingers over Robin's cheek.

"It's good," he said.

It stole all the air in his lungs, watching Robin nod and then open his mouth and slide it down Angel's cock. He held there for long seconds and Angel could feel him licking softly, and the smooth, wet slide of his tongue and his lips over Angel's flesh.

He laid his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes and concentrated on listening to the small sounds that Robin made, indrawn breaths and tiny moans. He worked Angel's cock as he sucked, just slowly, like he was trying to get it exactly right.

"Oh, god," Angel said. It was hard not to just fuck up into his mouth and get off. Robin even deserved it. He turned his head so that his moans were muffled against his shoulder. He cupped the side of Robin's neck, feeling the tendons there move as he moved his head, and the quick beat of his pulse.

Robin pulled off and drew in a shaky breath. He kissed and licked at the inside of Angel's thigh and pressed his mouth softly to Angel's balls, still stroking.

"My jaw hurts," he whispered.

"Yeah, it will." Angel drew a rough hand through his hair, coaxing his mouth back, and Robin moaned faintly and let him. "Fuck, don't stop. Just lick me, I'm gonna come soon."

He spread his thighs and drew Robin closer, and came with Robin's soft wet mouth pressed around the head of his cock. Robin's breath hitched and he coughed and shook. Angel clutched at his shoulder and the room swam around him. For one terrible moment he thought he was going to find himself flat on his back on a carpet of fallen leaves, until he felt Robin's weight on his chest and then Robin pressing his mouth on his.

He was still moaning very faintly, soft hitched breaths as he slid his tongue between Angel's lips. Angel could taste himself there. He couldn't say it was a good taste, but all the same it made him clutch at Robin's shoulders. Robin's cock rubbed against his thigh. It was softening, and it was sticky too.

"You came?" Angel said, and Robin nodded. "Guess you like the taste of my dick, yeah?"

Robin's eyes slid closed and he didn't answer. "Not exactly, " he said, after a while. "But-- it was good."

The noises from the square had quieted down. An owl hooted. A yellow slice of moon showed in the corner of the window. Robin lay quiet and still on his chest. Angel touched his hair and listened to his breathing.

"So, you can send me to sleep and fuck me hard any time you want, yeah?"

Robin lifted his head. "I suppose that's true."

"That's how you guys get your kicks?"

"Not generally, but then I'm not typical." Robin slid his hands round Angel's wrists and leaned close, heavy on his chest. His eyes looked too green. "I want you more than anything else."

"Am I really the only one you've ever--kept?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Robin said slowly. "It wasn't a thing I planned." His fingers stroked Angel's wrists lightly. "I heard once--I think it's not true, but I heard that when a fragment of a song or a certain thought becomes lodged in one's head, it can be a sign of a stroke. I thought that might explain the way I couldn't stop thinking of you."

Angel nearly choked trying not to snicker. It wasn't even funny, he thought. Kind of incredibly sad, but his voice was still wavery with repressed laughter when he spoke. "A stroke? Seriously?"

"There's next to nothing known about halfbreed physiology. It might've been."

"You never had a crush on anyone before?"

Robin blinked at him slowly. "A crush."

"Definitely not a stroke."

"It's an apt word."

Angel thought about the atmosphere in Robin's penthouse, and the sheer weight of Robin over him in bed, covering him completely, holding him down. "Yeah. I guess so."

"I won't do that again. When you're asleep, I mean."

"Fucking right you won't."

"I couldn't abide the thought of you leaving."

"S'what people do."

"Always?" Robin said quietly.

Angel hesitated. "Maybe not always."

It was as good as promising to stay. He knew that.

He put his arms around Robin and held him close. His hands and feet still hurt from his run through the woods. There was no blood, no bruises, but he could feel the ache in his palms as he moved them over Robin's skin. He'd think about it in the morning.