Cupidity - twenty seven, the end!

[emungere.livejournal.com]

Previous chapters here.


Robin showered with him and kissed him, dressed, kissed him again and then left. Angel showered slowly and then wandered about in Robin's robe again, touching things, looking at the art on the walls. It was all modern and abstract.

He explored Robin's library. The leather bag was sitting on the floor, filled with Alberich's books. Angel took them out and sat on the leather chair and smoothed his hands over them, then held them to his chest, which was a weird and stupid thing to do. Eos had stepped in front of her own arrow for Alberich. His eyes got hot, and his jaw ached suddenly.

A collection of things, Rose had called this place. It felt just as she'd said, and Angel couldn't forget how Robin had paid for all this.

In Robin's room, the picture hung dark and huge on the wall and for a long time Angel sat on the floor and stared into the tangled and twisted branches until he saw what was different. There were hard edges in the trees and flecks of broken glass on the forest floor, shards of concrete behind the tree trunks. Shadows changed as he watched, like there were things moving.

He didn't mind it, he'd said. It was true, and maybe that was the problem. He could step into it any time he liked and maybe find Eos waiting. Getting older. He leaped up and almost ran out, slamming the door behind him.

He dressed and sat on his own bed, the contents of his kit bag spread out at his feet. The stupid five grand was looking more dog-eared and grimy than before. Angel picked up the Pez dispenser and put it in his pocket. Everything else he tucked into the drawer in the bedside table.

On the balcony the luxuriant foliage gleamed at him as if freshly polished, which it very likely was. Central Park stretched out below him, a green gem in the towering grey city, and Angel wondered how he was going to bear to live here.

He went down to the 7-Eleven and got Pez to stick in Marvin the Martian's head. The cashier was the same girl as before, with all the lip rings.

"You okay?" she said. "You look like shit."

"Yeah. Um. I was... There was a fight."

"Did you win?"

"Not really sure."

He went to the park and sat on a bench and fed the ducks Pez. No one yelled at him this time, though more than one person glanced his way. He wondered how bad he really looked. There were no bruises, or none he saw when he looked in the mirror.

He was still there hours later when Robin sat down beside him. The sun was setting. He could see shards of pink and orange reflected on the lake. Robin touched his shoulder and said nothing.

"Good day at work?" Angel asked him.

"I've been looking over some things. It might be prudent to sell the jet and the yacht. If that's all right with you. I didn't really comprehend how much it cost to keep them up."

"Why're you asking me?"

"That's the other thing I did today." He put his briefcase on his lap and pulled some papers out. He handed Angel a pen. "Sign here."

"What? No. Why?"

"Because you trust me."

Well, that just wasn't fair. Angel lasted about ten seconds under Robin's steady gaze before he picked up the pen. He signed in a bunch of places, initialed in more, until he reached the end of the thick stack of paper.

"So? What was it all?"

"Half of everything I own."

Angel shook his head and stared. "I don't want-- Why would you do that?"

"It seemed like the right thing to do. I don't want you to have to worry, ever."

He wanted, badly, to make Robin take it all back. Rip up the papers. Something. It made him worry more, not less, like he was responsible for something now. And when he looked at it that way, maybe he should keep it. He couldn't expect Robin to just take care of him forever. Not when Robin needed taking care of nearly as bad as he did.

He nodded. It was very close to dark now. Shapes lost their edges and turned blue and shadowy. Everyone who passed looked like one of Rose's women.

"I am different," Angel whispered. He looked down at his hands. "I don't know if I can stay here. In the city."

"We can go wherever you like." Robin paused. "I have business in Utah. We could stay there while the penthouse sells. And perhaps..."

"You better not be taking this where it sounds like you're taking it." Thunder growled in the distance, barely audible over the traffic noise. Angel shivered and wrapped his arms around himself.

"You have met my family."

"Not like I had a choice."

"All the same--"

"They'll hate you. They'll hate you just because you're with me."

"So?"

"What do you mean so!"

"It doesn't matter what they think of me. I'd just like to meet them. But if you really don't want to, we needn't go."

"Why would you want to?"

"Because they're part of you. Don't you understand me better, having met Eos and Alberich?"

"You're nothing like them!"

"Well, I am. But that doesn't matter. Whether I am or not, whether you are or not, our families are part of us."

Angel wanted to argue with that, but he couldn't. Even leaving his own family out of it, Rose had called him brother, and Eos was part of him in an uncomfortably literal way. He could still taste her blood at the back of his throat, and he wondered if that would ever go away. And if he thought about it like that, surely his own family shouldn't scare him anymore.

"Okay. If you really want to. Just--I don't know. Don't leave me alone with them."

"Not for a second." Robin took his hand, thumb smoothing over his palm. "Are they so bad?"

He thought about what Alberich had said and remembered his mother crying for Neil after he left. "I don't know anymore. I don't know shit. I want to go home and I don't even know where that is."

"Maybe I can help you find it. As you've helped me."

It made Angel smile, despite everything, despite himself. "Yeah. I guess maybe you can." Or have already. He didn't feel quite ready to say that part out loud yet. "It's not like in the movies, you know."

"What isn't?"

"The whole happily ever after thing."

"Ah, I see." Robin was smiling. "And what is it like?"

Angel looked down at their joined hands, weirdly embarrassed to meet Robin's eyes. "Maybe... Maybe it's just like this."

"Well, you'd know best, I'm sure. It's not as if this is some sort of fairy tale."

Angel snorted and elbowed him gently in the ribs. Robin settled against his side. There was quiet for a few minutes.

"May I ask you a question?" Robin said.

"Shoot."

"Why did your brother leave home?"

"Oh." It was funny, but he'd never told anyone before. Everyone at home already knew and no one here cared. "His girlfriend Sam--Samantha--she got pregnant. And he helped her with the money for the abortion and stuff. And Dad was just... He was awful. Her parents were bad too, but Dad was worse. They ran away together. I don't blame them really. I just wish... He could've sent a postcard or something," he finished, in a mumble.

Robin put an arm around him. "You believe they're still together?"

"I think so. It was kind of love at first sight. You hardly ever saw them apart." They'd made quite a sight, too, with Sam clocking in around five foot one, and Neil over a foot taller, his hair dark and hers as red as Angel's. When the three of them had gone out together, everyone had assumed he was Sam's little brother. He smiled, remembering.

"Good. That will make them easier to find."

"...What?"

"Unless you'd rather not? I didn't mean to presume."

"You can do that?"

"I think it's very likely. I've found people with far more reason to hide than your brother has."

Angel stared for a few silent seconds, wondering how he'd never even thought to ask for this. He leaned close and pressed his face to Robin's neck and squeezed his hand tight. "Thanks. Thank you. I mean. A lot. Yes, please."

"You needn't-- I don't need thanks." Robin rested his chin on top of Angel's head. "I'd do anything for you."

"I know. You don't have to."

"I know that. I think I do, anyway. Now. But even so."

Angel sort of wished he didn't know Robin really meant anything. It was scary and too much, and at the same time it was exactly what he needed to hear. Everything with Robin seemed to be like that; perfect and terrifying all mushed up together.

He wished he had anyone he could talk to about that. Maybe Neil if Robin found him. Or when. With Robin it would be when. Part of the scary-perfect thing. Yeah, Neil should understand. He hoped.

Robin sat back, settling close and warm next to him. "We should give the ducks more nutritious food in future," he said. "Pez will make them ill."

"Yeah."

It was getting dark. In the distance Angel could see the top of their building glimmering against the dusk. People wandered by, fewer of them at this time of night.

"What would you like to do?" Robin said, after a while.

"I'd like to go for a walk in the woods," Angel said.

"Now?"

"No. I can wait. But soon."